The Greatest Motivator

The Greatest Motivator Isn't What You Think—or, What I Learned From Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler on Valentine's Day
by Dr. Joe Vitalewww.mrfire.com

It's Valentine's Day as I write this. Nerissa and I just returned from watching the new movie, "50 First Dates," starting the beautiful Drew Barrymore and the funny Adam Sandler. Besides being a hilarious movie in a beautiful setting with a heartfelt message of true love, it also caused me to have an "a-ha" right in the middle of it.
Somewhere around half way through the movie, as Adam is again reminding short-term memory loss victim Drew that he loves her, I suddenly realized the power of the greatest motivator of all time.
But let me first set the stage.
Most psychologists, direct marketers, and anyone who persuades for a living will tell you there are only two basic motivators: Pain or Pleasure. You either go toward what you want or away from what you don't want.
The standard argument is that pain is more powerful. I've tended to agree, but also stated I would not focus on pain for idealistic reasons. I simply don't want to spread pain in the world. Focusing on it causes you to feel it. I don't want to contribute to the misery many feel. So my stance has been to focus on pleasure as a motivator in my sales letters and websites.
Most marketing experts agree that pain is the best trigger to focus on in any ad or sales campaign. They love to find a prospect's basic problem, and then rub their noses in it. They figure the pain would make the person buy or change.
The most common example they give is the insurance salesman who tries to sell you home coverage. If he focuses on pleasure, you will put off buying. If he tells you your house is on fire, you will buy. Pain causes immediate action.
So, like everyone else, I "knew" pain was the greater motivator. I simply focused on pleasure because it is a more noble route.
But then I saw Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler in their new movie and suddenly I felt awakened, energized, and validated.
Here's the film's plot in a nutshell:
Adam is in love with a woman who can't remember anything from the day before, due to a head injury in an auto accident the year before. Every day is a new day. And every day Adam has to win her over again. Every date is new. Hence the title, "50 First Dates."
At one point in it, as Adam was again wooing Drew, I suddenly realized what I was really seeing.
I saw pleasure was the greatest motivator of all.
Adam was pursuing Drew every day, despite the pain and the odds, because of his growing love for her. He was going after pleasure. The pleasure goal was so powerful it erased every pain he might experience.
In short, all the marketing experts who say pain is the greatest motivator have forgotten the power of our driving force in life: Love.
People will scale mountains with luggage on their backs, swim upstream in a hurricane, and battle armies and all odds in order to fulfill that hard-wired emotion in us to love and be loved. Love rules.
All the examples we were given were unfair. Someone trying to sell insurance and resorting to pain hasn't figured out the real pleasure button to make someone buy. They've been too lazy to search for the pleasure trigger. Focusing on pain was simply an easy cop-out, a handy approach.
It's the same with all the massive ad campaigns that fail. Trying to get someone to quit smoking or stop drugs because of the pain they depict in the ad is the wrong approach. If we suddenly focused on the pleasure someone would have when they stopped smoking or taking drugs, we'd be moving in the right direction.
This is so obvious to me after watching the movie. Our goal as marketing and business people isn't to tell people what's wrong with them or to remind them of their pain, but to help them imagine and then experience the pleasure they long to have.
It's noble, yes, *and* it works.
Love moves everyone.
Love is the great motivator.
Love is the great pleasure trigger.
According to my friend Kevin Hogan, author of "The Psychology of Persuasion," love isn't an emotion but a mindset. And as a mindset, it is actually stronger than any emotion.
In short, you're dealing with the most powerful motivator of all time.
Reveal what there is to love about your product or service and you'll give people authentic reasons to do business with you. Call it Love-Based Marketing. You won't sell everyone with it. You'll sell only those who are a match for your offer. That, in the end, is all you want. Then you're happy and so are your customers.
Just like Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, you'll find a match to write home about.
And you might make a little money along the way, to boot.

Pay It Forward

PAY IT FORWARD

“To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. – Memberi kebahagiaan kepada sebuah hati dengan suatu tindakan nyata yang sederhana adalah lebih baik dibandingkan ribuan kepala yang bersujud dalam do’a.”~ Mahatma Gandhi
Pay It Forward adalah sebuah judul film drama Hollywood yang diproduksi pada tahun 2000. Film yang disutradarai oleh Mimi Leder itu mengisahkan tentang sebuah ide sederhana dari seorang anak kecil berusia 11 tahun, Trevor Mckinney, yang dibintangi oleh Haley Joel Osment. Trevor Mckinney hidup bersama ibunya, Arlene, yang diperankan oleh aktris Helen Hunt. Dikisahkan bahwa ibu Mckinney adalah seorang pemabuk, sedangkan ayahnya jarang berada di rumah.
Kisah film tersebut berawal pada saat seorang guru ilmu sosial di sekolah Mckinney memberikan sebuah tugas. Sang guru, Mr. Simonet, yang diperankan oleh Kevin Spcey, meminta para murid memikirkan sebuah ide yang dapat mengubah dunia. Para murid juga diminta untuk mewujudkannya langsung ke dalam tindakan nyata.
Pada saat itulah Mckinney Trevor mencetuskan ide Pay It Forward atau bayar dimuka. Inti dari ide Mckinney tersebut adalah ia hanya perlu menolong tiga orang. Tahap pertama Mckinney membantu temannya, seorang guru ilmu sosial di sekolahnya, dan seorang pemakai narkoba.
Sedangkan orang yang ditolong tidak perlu memberikan imbalan apa pun, kecuali menolong tiga orang lainnya. Ide Mckinney sangat sederhana, tetapi mekanismenya menciptakan mata rantai yang luas dan berkesinambungan. Dalam film tersebut dikisahkan bahwa ide sederhana Mckinney berpengaruh cepat dan meluas ke beberapa kota di sekitar tempat tinggalnya.
Mekanisme dalam ide Mckinney tersebut sebenarnya mirip dengan mekanisme dalam bisnis network marketing. Hanya saja selama ini banyak sekali penyelewengan dengan skema cepat kaya yang mengatasnamakan network marketing. Sehingga bisnis network marketing mendapatkan citra buruk di mata masyarakat. Seandainya bisnis network marketing dijalankan dengan benar atau sesuai prinsip dasar bisnis network marketing, bisnis tersebut dapat menjadi sarana yang efektif untuk mengangkat kondisi kehidupan masyarakat misalnya dalam segi ekonomi, harkat dan martabat, maupun kualitas hubungan sosial.
Terlepas dari semua itu, ide Mckinney sebenarnya dapat kita terapkan untuk menekan jumlah masyarakat miskin. Memberikan bantuan sederhana yang sesuai dengan kondisi diri kita sebenarnya mudah kita terapkan. Misalnya memulai dari diri kita sendiri, yaitu dengan bantuan kepada tiga orang dalam bentuk materi, tenaga, pikiran atau mungkin hanya berupa dukungan dan motivasi.
Seandainya kita sudah hampir frustasi, bukankah kita menjadi kembali bersemangat bila ada orang yang membantu meringankan beban kita? Setelah itu kita pasti tergerak untuk membalas kebaikan orang itu, karena manusia memiliki kecenderungan alami untuk membalasnya. Seperti kata Imanuel Kant, “Hati manusia menolak untuk mempercayai suatu dunia yang tanpa makna.” Ada kekuatan tersendiri dalam setiap bantuan yang kita berikan. Selain membuat kepedihan dan keputusasaan sirna, dampaknya akan berkelanjutan dan meluas karena ada kecenderungan alami manusia untuk membalas bantuan tersebut.
Bukan berarti bantuan yang kita berikan merupakan solusi dari semua masalah. Bukan pula bermakna bila kita menerapkan mekanisme ide dalam Pay It Forward maka semua persoalan bisa terselesaikan. Tetapi cara tersebut mungkin awal yang sangat baik untuk memupuk sisi positif dalam diri kita, dan sekaligus memulai sebuah kehidupan lebih baik yang penuh dengan kepedulian dan cinta kasih.[aho]
* Andrew Ho adalah motivator, pengusaha, dan penulis buku bestseller.

Sadness Story

SADNESS STORY

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming homeafter having fought in Vietnam.

He called his parents from San Francisco."Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favour to ask.I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me." "Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know," the son continued,"he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped ona land mine and lost an arm and a leg.He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. May be we can help himfind somewhere to live." "No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking.Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like thisinterfere with our lives.I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone.The parents heard nothing more from him.

A few days later, however, they received a call fromthe San Francisco police.Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told.The police believed it was suicide.The grief-stricken parents flew to San Franciscoand were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they alsodiscovered something they didn't know,their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us.We find it easy to love those who are good-lookingor fun to have around,but we don't like people who inconvenience usor make us feel uncomfortable.We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy,beautiful, or smart as we are.

Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way.Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes usinto the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night,say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you needto accept people as they are,and to help us all be more understanding of thosewho are different from us !!!

There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart.You don't know how it happens or when it gets started.But you know the special lift it always brings.And you realize that Friendship is God's most precious gift!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed.They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.They lend an ear, they share a word of praise,and they always want to open their hearts to us.

57 cent, a True Story.

57 cents

yang Nilainya tak ternilai

Seorang anak gadis kecil sedang berdiri terisak didekat pintu masuk sebuah gereja yang tidak terlalu besar,ia baru saja tidak diperkenankan masuk ke gereja tersebut karena "sudah terlalu penuh".Seorang pastur lewat didekatnya dan menanyakan kenapa si gadis kecil itu menangis ? "Saya tidak dapat ke Sekolah Minggu"kata si gadiskecil. Melihat penampilan gadis kecil itu yang acak acakan dan tidak terurus,sang pastor segera mengerti dan bisa menduga sebabnya sigadis kecil tadi tdk disambut masuk ke Sekolah Minggu.Segera dituntunnya sigadis kecil itu masuk ke ruangan Sekolah Minggu di dalam gereja dan ia mencarikan tempat duduk yang masih kosong untuk si gadis kecil. Sang gadis kecil ini begitu mendalam tergugah perasaannya, sehingga pada waktu sebelum tidur di malam itu ,ia sempat memikirkan anak anak lain yang senasib dengan dirinya yang seolah olah tidak mempunyai tempat untuk memuliakan Jesus.
Ketika ia menceritakan hal ini kepada orang tuanya,yang kebetulan merupakan orang tak berpunya,sang ibu menghiburnya bahwa si gadis masih beruntung mendapatkan pertolongan dari seorang pastur.
Sejak saat itu,si gadis kecil "berkawan" dengan sang pastur. Dua tahun kemudian,si gadis kecil meninggal di tempat tinggal nya didaerah kumuh,dan sang orang tuanya meminta bantuan dari si pastur yang baik hati untuk prosesi pemakaman yang sangat sangat sederhana. Saat pemakaman selesai dan ruang tidur si gadis di rapihkan, sebuah dompet usang,kumal dan sobek sobek ditemukan ,tampak sekali bahwa dompet itu adalah dompet yang mungkin ditemukan oleh si gadis kecil dari tempat sampah. Didalamnya ditemukan uang receh sejumlah 57 cents dan secarik kertas bertuliskan tangan ,yang jelas kelihatan ditulis oleh seorang anak kecil,yang isinya : "Uang ini untuk membantu pembangunan gereja kecil agar gereja tersebut bisa diperluas sehingga lebih banyak anak anak bisa menghadiri keSekolah Minggu"
Rupanya selama 2 tahun,sejak ia tidak dapat masuk ke gereja itu,sigadis kecil ini mengumpulkan dan menabungkan uang nya sampai terkumpul sejumlah 57 cents untuk maksud yang sangat mulia. Ketika sang pastur membaca catatan kecil ini,matanya sembab dan ia sadar apa yang harus diperbuatnya. Dengan berbekal dompet tua dan catatan kecil ini,sang pastur segera memotivasi para pengurus dan jemaat gerejanya untuk meneruskan maksud mulia si gadis kecil ini untuk memperbesar bangunan gereja.

Namun Ceritanya tidak berakhir sampai disini,
Suatu perusahaan koran yang besar mengetahui berita ini dan mempublikasikannya terus menerus. Sampai akhir nya seorang Pengembang membaca berita ini dan ia segera menawarkan suatu lokasi yang berada didekat gereja kecil itu dengan harga 57cents, setelah para pengurus gereja menyatakan bahwa mereka tak mungkin sanggup membayar lokasi sebesar dan sebaik itu. Para anggota jemaat pun dengan sukarela memberikan donasi dan melakukan pemberitaan,akhirnya bola salju yang dimulai oleh sang gadis kecil ini bergulir dan dalam 5 tahun ,berhasil mengumpulkan dana sebesar 250.000 dollar,suatu jumlah yang fantastik pada saat itu(pada pergantian abad,jumlah ini dapat membeli emas seberat 1 ton ).

Inilah hasil nyata cinta kasih dari seorang gadis kecil yang miskin,kurang terawat dan kurang makan, namun perduli pada sesama yang menderita. Tanpa pamrih, tanpa pretensi. Saat ini, jika anda berada di Philadelphia,lihatlah Temple Baptist Church,dengan kapasitas duduk untuk 3300 orang dan Temple University,tempat beribu ribu murid belajar. Lihat juga Good Samaritan Hospital dan sebuah bangunan special untuk Sekolah Minggu yang lengkap dengan beratus ratus(yah,beratus ratus) pengajar nya, semuanya itu untuk memastikan jangan sampai ada satu anakpun yang tidak mendapat tempat di Sekolah MInggu. Didalam salah satu ruangan bangunan ini,tampak terlihat foto si gadis kecil, yang dengan tabungannya sebesar 57 cents,namun dikumpulkan berdasarkan rasa cinta kasih sesama,yang telah membuat sejarah.Tampak pula berjajar rapih, foto sang pastur yang baik hati yang telah mengulurkan tangan kepada si gadis kecil miskin itu,yaitu pastor DR.Russel H.Conwell,penulis buku "Acres of Diamonds"--- a true story. Kenyataan sejarah yang collosal ini bisa memberikan petunjuk kepada kita semua apa yang dapat DIA lakukan terhadap uang 57 cents.

Halleleuyah.

Little Leroy

LITTLE LEROY ( ENGLISH )

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his motherwas making dinner. His birthday was coming up and hethought this was a good time to tell his mother whathe wanted."Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He hadgotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy'smother asked him if he thought he deserved to get abike for his birthday.Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Leroyto reflect on his behavior over the last year."Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you havebehaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tellhim why you deserve a bike for your birthday."Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and satdown to write God a letter.

Letter 1:Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and Iwould like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.Your friend,LeroyLeroy knew that wasn't true. He had not been a verygood boy this year so he tore up the letter andstarted over.

Letter 2:Dear God,I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still wouldreally like a bike for my birthday.LeroyLeroy knew he could not send this letter to Godeither. So he wrote a third letter.

Letter 3:God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year.I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just sendme a bike for my birthday.Please!Thank you,Leroy

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was notgoing to get him a bike.By now Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs andtold his mom that he wanted to go to church.Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as Leroylooked very sad."Just be home in time for dinner,"Leroy's mother told him.Leroy walked down the street to the church on thecorner. Little Leroy went into the church and up tothe altar. He looked around to see ifanyone was there.Leroy bent down and picked up a statue of the VirginMary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of thechurch, down the street, into the house, and up to hisroom and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.Leroy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 4:God,I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SENDTHE BIKE.Signed,YOU KNOW WHO

Artikel Kebijaksanaan.

Suatu hari Seorang Guru berkumpul dengan murid-muridnya. ..> Lalu beliau mengajukan enam pertanyaan.. .> Pertama... "Apa yang paling dekat dengan diri kita di dunia ini...???"> Murid-muridnya ada yang menjawab...> "orang tua", "guru", "teman", dan "kerabatnya"> > Sang Guru menjelaskan semua jawaban itu benar...> Tetapi yang paling dekat dengan kita adalah "kematian".. .> Sebab kematian adalah PASTI adanya.....> > Lalu Sang Guru meneruskan pertanyaan kedua...> "Apa yang paling jauh dari diri kita di dunia ini...???"> Murid-muridnya ada yang menjawab...> "negara Cina", "bulan", "matahari", dan "bintang-bintang" ...> > Lalu Sang Guru menjelaskan bahwa semua jawaban> yang diberikan adalah benar...> Tapi yang paling benar adalah "masa lalu"...> Siapa pun kita... bagaimana pun kita...dan betapa> kayanya kita... tetap kita TIDAK bisa kembali ke masa lalu...> > Sebab itu kita harus menjaga hari ini...> > dan hari-hari yang akan datang..> > Sang Guru meneruskan dengan pertanyaan yang> ketiga..."Apa yang paling besar di dunia ini...???"> Murid-muridnya ada yang menjawab> "gunung", "bumi", dan "matahari".. .> > Semua jawaban itu benar kata Sang Guru ...> Tapi yang paling besar dari yang ada di dunia ini adalah "nafsu"...> Banyak manusia menjadi celaka karena> memperturutkan hawa nafsunya...> Segala cara dihalalkan demi mewujudkan impian nafsu...> Karena itu, kita harus hati-hati dengan hawa nafsu ini...> > jangan sampai nafsu membawa kita ke neraka> > (atau kesengsaraan dunia dan akhirat)...> > Pertanyaan keempat adalah...> "Apa yang paling berat di dunia ini...???"> Di antara muridnya ada yang menjawab...> "baja", "besi", dan "gajah"...> "Semua jawaban hampir benar...", kata Sang Guru> tapi yang paling berat adalah "memegang amanah"...> > Pertanyaan yang kelima adalah... "Apa yang paling> ringan di dunia ini...???"> Ada yang menjawab "kapas", "angin", "debu", dan> "daun-daunan" ...> "Semua itu benar...", kata Sang Guru...> tapi yang paling ringan di dunia ini adalah> "meninggalkan ibadah"...> > Lalu pertanyaan keenam adalah...> "Apakah yang paling tajam di dunia ini...???"> Murid-muridnya menjawab dengan serentak...> "PEDANG...!! !"> "(hampir) Benar...", kata Sang Guru> tetapi yang paling tajam adalah "lidah manusia"...> Karena melalui lidah, manusia dengan mudahnya> menyakiti hati... dan melukai perasaan saudaranya sendiri...> > Sudahkah kita menjadi insan yang selalu ingat akan KEMATIAN...> senantiasa belajar dari MASA LALU...> dan tidak memperturutkan NAFSU...???> Sudahkah kita mampu MENGEMBAN AMANAH sekecil apapun...> dengan tidak MENINGGALKAN IBADAH....> serta senantiasa MENJAGA LIDAH kita...?> > > >

Newsletters from Charles Marcus

ARTICLE: 11 Ways to Make This Your Best Year Ever - By Charles M.Marcus **-------------- The start of a fresh new year. This is a wonderful time to take stock And reflect on the year gone by, the triumphs you achieved, the time youshared with family and friends, the good choices you made in business. But in order to grow and develop both personally and professionally, you Also have to look back at and acknowledge the things that challenged you, The things that did not go so well. There is nothing wrong with setbacks, in fact, I believe that if we don't have obstacles to overcome along the way we won't learn and grow. Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM, once said, "If you want to increase your Rate of success, you better be prepared to increase your rate of failure." We all have hopes and dreams for a new year. The slate is wiped clean For all of us as we start afresh. Why not take a few moments in to think About your dreams and goals for 2008? In what areas do you want to grow? What is truly important to you? What challenges do you want to take on? Most of Us don't realize what we can accomplish when we unleash the hidden talentsthat we possess. To help you make this year your best ever, take a fewmoments to ponder these 11 suggestions:
1. CHALLENGE YOURSELFHave a clear vision and focus of what you want to achieve and set a Time frame. Challenge yourself to be the best you can be at all times.Visualize what you want to accomplish. See it in your mind. Write downyour goals, have a plan of action, and never doubt you will be successful.
2. FIND THE LOVE FACTORSurround yourself with loving, supportive people. Stay away from the Dream stealers, the people who would bring you down. Cherish the special people in your life and let them know you cherish them.
3. DEDICATE QUALITY TIMELife is so precious; make the most of each and every day. Rise early,spend some quality time by yourself as well as with those you care about. Go for a walk, workout, read a book. Value not only the time you spendwith your loved ones, but also the time you spend by yourself.
4. STRETCH YOUR COMFORT ZONEDo at least one thing a day, which makes you feel uncomfortable. Pushyourself; you will be amazed how far you can go. Remember: on the otherside of fear is freedom. To remain stagnant is not to grow. To reach your full potential, you must rise above the fray and soar like an eagle.
5. BE PASSIONATEShow passion in everything you do. Let it show in your body language, In your smile, in your voice. Let your eyes sparkle. Let the world see andhear your enthusiasm and let it feel your passion.
6. SERVE OTHERSBe a role model and mentor for people. Volunteer in your community andhelp others achieve their goals. Your world will be enriched and a better place for sharing your talents and giving freely of your time. Leave alasting legacy.
7. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFFLet go of the little things you can't control. Don't take yourself soseriously. Recognize that perfection isn't always the only option. Don't let life's imperfections bother you. Lighten up and see the funny side Of things when they go wrong, the learning in them. Be tolerant,smile...don't waste your energies on the small stuff, you have much bigger fish to fry.
8. LIVE WITH INTEGRITYAlways be true to yourself. Take pride in whatever you do. Be proud of Who you are and what you represent. Accept others with all their flaws. Show compassion and goodwill to your fellow human beings. Be dignified. Lead A life of purpose and be proud of your values.
9. SHOW GRATITUDEShow gratitude and say thank-you to the people who have helped you Along the way. Send a handwritten letter to someone who has touched you. Call Up a friend or loved one and tell them how much they mean to you. Compliment a colleague or business associate on a job well done. Show people you appreciate and care about them. Acts of kindness cost nothing but meaneverything.
10. CELEBRATE SUCCESSBe proud of your achievements. Take time to recognize yourself and Others for even the small successes. But also be humble and dignified, Sensitive to people who are not as fortunate as you.
11. EXUDE A POSITIVE ATTITUDEI cannot express enough the importance of having a positive attitude And believing in yourself. Yes, you can be well intentioned, you can bedetermined, but without a positive attitude about yourself and about life, you will not succeed. Dreams will die, goals will fade, and gloom anddarkness will replace clear blue skies and sunshine in your mind andheart. Remember people will sometimes forget what you say to them or do for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel in their hearts. Makeyourself a commitment for this year not only to have the best year ever, but to help others that you care about accomplish this goal as well.
Copyright by Charles M. Marcus 2000. All Rights Reserved Charles M. Marcus is a professional speaker, trainer and writer. Charles works with organizations and corporations across North America and Great Britain that want to ignite and maximize performance potential. For More information please call 416-467-6025. fax: 416-423-6080 or e-mail atcharles@cmarcus.com . Email Charles to receive a free subscription to his e-newsletter or visit him on the web at http://www.cmarcus.com/

Pronto

This is my 2nd blog, the 1st one goin' somewhere....